Friday, May 01, 2009

I guess that I need to count my blessings instead of sheep

Last night I had one of those nights where I couldn't sleep because I was feeling blue.  There have been so many things weighing on my mind.

  1. I've only made a few good friend since moving to Salt Lake and the two that I spend most of my time with are moving in the next few weeks (and Creed will also be loosing his best friend here, Jesse.  How do you explain that to a two-year-old?  When we went to church in California, Creed circled the halls calling Jesse's name because Jesse is always there when we go to church in Utah.) And ok, Lisa is only moving an hour away to Provo, but that seems like a world away when I see her about three times a week right now.
  2. Eva and I were informed by some Etsy members that another graphic designer has tweaked my alphabet and number posters and is selling them as her own designs.  I probably shouldn't feel so sad about this because it was nice to know other Etsy members were watching out for us, and one of my best friends, Nikki, happens to a very well established lawyer who specializes in intellectual property, and we are so lucky to have her helping us through this mess.  It just makes me really sad that it has to come to that. 
  3. Larry is back to work at the University Hospital today and since he is the infectious disease consultant and there is a Swine Flu outbreak, I fear we will not being seeing a lot of him this month.  He assured me that he will be one of the safest people in the hospital since for patients to get to him, they have to go through other doctors first and Larry will already know they are suspected to have Swine Flu so he will be fully suited up and they will be in a room with sanitized air.  I am just sad that he will be very busy (that sounds very selfish, doesn't it?).
  4. My Grandpa Borup is battling Cancer.  It's so advanced, they are not even sure what kind of cancer it is. I feel lucky in a way that I get to be here and spend time with him when my sisters can't, but it's so so sad to watch the spark in him dwindle, and I never know exactly the right thing to say. My dad says that my Grandpa (his dad) is the kindest hearted, gentlest person that he has ever known, and I don't think that could receive a better complement than that.
  5. I know this will sound trivial after number four, but I'm the Enrichment Counselor in the Relief Society Presidency (the women's organization in my ward) and I am NOT good at this calling.  I really do try, and I think I'm ok at planning the enrichment meetings, but I feel so feeble compared to the other women in the presidency and I feel like no matter how much I do, I need to be doing more.  I just keep wondering how I ended up in this position when so many others would be better (and yes, I know that I shouldn't compare myself, but it's impossible not to). I think part of the problem is that I want to do a great job in relief society, but I also want to be the perfect mom and embrace every moment that I have with Creed, and I want be a wonderful graphic designer, and I want to keep up with the world of Children's literature, and I want to have a perfectly clean and organized house, and I want . . .     All that I want, is just not possible at the same time, at least not for me.  Every time I focus on one area, it seems the rest starts to deteriorate.  I'm sure that I'm not the only around feeling that way.  I guess I need to work on finding some balance.  And some sleep.  
Today the world looks bright and shiny again, and I spent the morning letting go of worries and doing exactly as I please.  Creed and I dried off all the slides at the park with the seat of our pants and we walked through ArtMarket and ate a giant pink cookie (pink is Creed's second favorite color).  Now I'm blogging, working on a surprise present for a friend, and thinking about how we are going to spend our Saturday.

18 comments:

lisa (lost pezhead) said...

things will get better! sorry you feel bad :(

turn on some of that fun kids music and dance w/ creed!

i downloaded a ton of the songs you recommended and my kids LOVE it.

you are full of great ideas that inspire and influence other people.

Meg said...

All I can say is--that RS is soooo stinkin' (that is my forceful word choice here) lucky to have you and that RS president is probably thanking her lucky stars everyday that you moved in. Seriously, you do everything and anything and do it all so well. I think we all have that nagging feeling of needing to be doing more in all aspects of our lives. I hope that things aren't too crazy for Larry and that you get to spend some good time with your grandpa. We are already having the same moving discussions at our house with friends around here--I feel like we just got here, why are they leaving?! Change and moves never stop I guess.

Doggie B said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Doggie B said...

Stephanie, I know that even though were related and even though I don't know you that well, I have to say that I think you are pretty amazing. I'm sure that you do everything very well! Your posts constantly impress me by how well you share your talents, which are not few.

And as for Grandpa Borup, who I know as Uncle Byron... He is the of the kindest hearted and most gentle men I've ever known. I can see those same attributes passed down to his kids and grandkids. Everyone who meets him loves him. He's always reminded me of Santa. :)

Cheer up! You have a lot of great things and people in your life!

Greta said...

I can TOTALLY relate with #5. I didn't know you were the Enrichment Counselor, too! I struggle being the young, scatter brained one in my presidency. The others think I have so much "energy" which I translate to mean craziness. Sigh. I miss you.

malia said...

I've been battling some issues with my calling lately too. Check out this talk.

http://library.lds.org/nxt/gateway.dll/Magazines/Ensign/2002.htm/ensign%20november%202002.htm/rise%20to%20your%20call.htm?fn=document-frameset.htm$f=templates$3.0

It helped me a lot. :)

Good Luck!

Stephanie said...

I just have to say that I think you are one of the most talented and fun loving people that I know! Your blog is amazing and although i have not lived by you when you were a Mom I know that Creed is a very lucky kid!

acutely cherished said...

I just have to say that I look at your blog all the time and ponder what it must be like to be so amazingly talented as you are! Sad about that person on etsy, its hard to think that some people can be so dishonest! Best Wishes!

R said...

I feel your pain. We are moving in 6 weeks and I am getting more and more sad.
I totally understand the perfection and balance thing. I always feel I can do better as a mom and in other areas. I guess we can just do our best right?
Good luck!
You are AWESOME.
When I come out to SL I HAVE TO SEE YOU!!!

Anna said...

so sorry to hear about someone stealing your ideas for profit, that's very upsetting.

and Joe and I would really like to get to know you and Larry better since we didn't get to know you that well in Columbus. Perhaps we can get together sometime...maybe without the men since I know your time with Larry is so limited with his work schedule.

J+S said...

Hello, I have a question for you. I was looking at the photos on Design Mom and then clicked over to Candice Stringham's blog and saw a picture that you made of her and her family in front of the Brooklyn Bridge. (I think she mentioned that you did it for a Christmas present for her.) I am wondering if that is something that you do for other people for hire, and if it is, how much it might cost? I just loved loved LOVED what you came up with! You are amazingly talented, and I've just bookmarked your blog. I live in Utah County, and I can't wait to follow your children's literature book club. I love children's books.

Thanks,
~Jenifer

Nikki said...

You are amazing, Steph . . . simply radiant and amazing. Good for you for venting - you are allowed to have down days/nights and I hope it helped. And, I am sure that anxiety that remained was quickly washed away by playground puddles. Much love,

Nikki

Bryt, Liz (Ed), and Ellie Christensen said...

You are an awesome viting teaching companion and you are wonderful in the relief society presidency. I consider you one of my VERY few friends! =) We need to hang out more. Maybe Ellie can be Creed's new Jesse? Don't know about the age difference though...see ya at church

Shar said...

i'm so glad i went to that conference and met you, Stephanie! I do wish we lived closer b/c that one hour drive does seem to make such a big difference in how often you can see people. But I love reading your blog and seeing how creatively you share your talents with your family, friends, and the world. I can't seem to keep up with anything lately, so seeing you do all that you do...it just amazes me. You are awesome!

Taunya said...

Stephanie, I am sad I don't live right down the street b/c just from reading your blog over the past year, I know if we did live close, we would most certainly be good friends.
My bible study this week seems like it would fit in perfectly to your life today. It was about casting all our cares upon Him because He is the one who can give you REST. At times, we try to do it all, friend, and God is calling us into His arms for a little peace.
I pray that your dew soaked pants this morning, were accompanied by a sense of peace and rest in His divine plan.

TX Girl said...

I felt the same way when I was on the enrichment committee, although I'm not nearly as creative as you are. It was really hard to translate ideas to a big diverse group.

I'm working in ID too and it has been hilarious. The number of people with masks is RIDICULOUS!

I'm sorry grandfather. I know you will always be thankful for the time you have now.

I'm sorry your friends are moving. It is hard enough to make great connections with people, only to have them move. Poor Creed.

TX Girl said...

Oops- I'm sorry about your grandfather.

Anna said...

not long after reading this post I saw this enrichment idea which I thought was amazing:
http://www.ambrosiagirl.com/blog/speed-friendshipping-invitations/