Wednesday, June 25, 2008

The longest week of my life

I better start this with a disclaimer that I'm feeling extremely homesick and emotional right so I'm going to try to keep this brief so anyone reading this won't worry too much.
Last Wednesday some of the best girlfriend in the world showed up to pack up my kitchen. I kept biting my lip and trying to smile instead of cry because I knew I would miss each of them so much. They were incredibly fast and before I knew it, the job was done and we were snacking and reading notes from each of them that did push me to tears. It seems so unfair that I had to leave them all. Leave the place I did so much growing. Leave the place I will always call home. I didn't think to take any pictures, but Elle and Cat spent all Thursday helping us pack up and that night even more friends from the ward showed up to help us pack up the van. We had a 26' rental truck and we filled every inch of it. I don't know what we would have done without so much help. Jason & Liz and Kirk & Eva stuck around to help us pack up the left over odds and ends while my friend Greta, who truly is a saint, cleaned most of the house.

We spent Thursday night at the Erneys' but had to head back in the morning to meet the person picking up our washer and dryer and clean the kitchen floor. It took us all morning, and while I'd like to blame it on the fact that we were exhausted, but it was really because we didn't want to leave.

It makes my stomach tighten to see my home so empty and know that it belongs to someone else now.


Luckily, we had the Erneys and Hudsons to distract us for the rest of the day. I miss them so much I almost called them crying tonight when I know they would have already been in bed, but Cat lost her father this week so that would have been really selfish. Instead I'm sitting here blogging when I should be unpacking, which I guess is also a little selfish, but I needed a break.

Saturday, Larry headed out on his 32 hour drive (counting pit stops)
I felt so stressed for him because he also had a car trailer behind what is already that biggest truck that you can drive without a commercial license. He was all on his own, but he made it safely!
In the meantime, I flew Sunday afternoon with Creed. The flight did not go well, but I'd still choose it over a 30 hour drive with a one-year-old. Monday, we checked out the house we planned to rent (and got rear-ended while waiting at a red light). We signed the contract so Tuesday at 6:00 p.m. we met up with some nice fellows in our new ward and unloaded our moving van. We weren't even up for making beds after that so we spent one more night with family.
Today we were thrilled to safely return that gianormous truck this afternoon and spent the rest of the afternoon unpacking the kitchen, making beds, and grocery shopping. We were so tired that we spent a small fortune at the store and only have food for one complete meal of hot dogs and grapes. Nice! Oh well, Creed will be happy and we'll make it to the store sooner or later.


The home that we're renting is cute but tiny, so we haven't figured out where to put anything. I know we'll be getting rid of a lot of furniture including our enormous entertainment center and we need to make a serious trip to Ikea since Larry and I will be sharing a closet that's about two and a half feet wide.
I know I've said it here before, but I really don't handle change well, but I haven't cried that much until today. I guess reality has set in that this is not a vacation, and I don't get to go home soon. I don't get to drop by to see Eva printing on her letterpress. I don't get to go to the children's literature book club this Tuesday. I don't get to watch Cat work her cooking magic. I don't get to grin while watching Creed play with Audrey. I don't get to watch football games at the Rice's where Tony will explain all of the stuff that I don't get. I need to take the Restaurant Widow's blog off of my Google Reader because it is somehow making me even more homesick by reminding me that I won't be going to Comfest this weekend or the latest play opening at Shakespeare in the park.
I'm not saying all of this to imply that Salt Lake City isn't great, I'm sure it is. It just doesn't feel like home and truthfully I don't know much about the city yet.
See, I hate how incredibly sad and lost I feel right now, and the worst part was I knew that this is exactly how I would be, even though I have moved a million times, I feel this way every time and I couldn't do anything to prevent it. If anything it's worse because I lived in Columbus longer than I've ever lived anywhere else and I consider myself a C-Bus girl through and through. I can stay busy during the day, but as night rolls in, I totally lose it. I'm not exaggerating. An older lady walking by my house this evening stopped to wave to Creed and asked me where we're from, and I burst into tears even though I knew it was ridiculous to be crying as I told her that we're from Columbus. And oddly, a part of me really wanted that total stranger to lean over and hug me and tell me that it would be ok, but she didn't. I think she was as embarrassed as I was.
I really wish that we were going to the new ward this Sunday because I am in serious need of friends and things to do, but it's my little brother's homecoming so I'm going to hear him speak about his mission in my parent's ward.
I know it will get better. I know I will find my way around. I know I will make new friends. I know in six months, I'll shake my head that I ever could have been so sad here, but right now that just looks so very far away.
There's no place like home.
There's no place like home . . .

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Steph!
Remember, alot of us do visit SLC every once in a while! We can't wait to see your new place! We do so miss you too and I was near tears on Thursday morning realizing you too were moving that night.
I'd say it takes a good 6 months to feel like "home." But I'm sure with your plethora of experience you already know that.
One thing you will not miss is the huge thunderstorms that wake you up (as in last night). It was sooo loud!!
Enjoy your brother's homecoming!
And you should check out a couple bakery's in SLC called: Glaus's (sp?) and Siegfried's (German food). Happy hunting. They should be in the phone book. :)
~Rachel

Vaughn's Mum said...

Stephanie!

I must say, whomever bought your house is one EXTREAMLY lucky person! You home is so beautifully decorated and painted!!

The new home owners are really lucky to have someone as talented (and with good taste - who doesn't love an apple green wall) as you living there before!!

Raven

Anonymous said...

Steph, I know exactly how you feel. I hated moving out here to Connecticut. It took me more than a year to find my happy place and make new friends. None as good as Team Jaguar. Now after finnally finding my place here in CT we just found out this week we will be moving again. This time to Pittsburgh. I hate change and I will go through a complete emotional breakdown and I know depression will set in as soon as I get there. The only saving grace will be knowing I will be 3 hours away from family and the Rices who are the only ones left now in Ohio.

I know things will work out for all of us but it sure does stink waiting for it to work out.

Jeremiah (President of CT chapter of Team Jaguar and soon to be Pittsburgh chapter) Sharpe

Emily said...

Oh Stephanie, hang in there!! As much as I've moved around too, it doesn't get easier. You'll find fun things to do in SLC!! And maybe when I head down that way we can meet up and go do some fun shopping and let the kids play!!

Megan said...

I wish I lived by you. I live in Eugene, OR...we've lived here for almost a year and I'm still having a hard time meeting new friends. That's my fault, though. Chin up, buttercup! It will get better. I know that's a platitude, but most of them really ARE true!

Ellen said...

Steph! You are SO amazing! I totally know what you mean! It takes SO long for a place to feel like home, and just when it does, you move. I'm sorry that you are missing Columbus, but we miss you too! I'm coming to SLC in August and we totally need to get together! Until then, go to this place called "miilie's" and get a slush! They are amazing and super cheap. (Or at least they used to be.) It's on 21st S. and about 10th E. Also, try Pay way, I don't think that's how it's spelled though. It's right there too. That can tide you over until you make it to the store again.

Good luck and know that we love and miss you too! You'll make friends in NO time at all, because you are AMAZING! Love you!

Katherine said...

I was thinking about you and wondered how you were doing. I have to say, I might have gotten a little emotional reading that post because I understand! What your new number? Lee's on Q4 during July. I might need to call you!!

Melissa said...

I hope you feel better soon! Moving to a new place is hard, you feel so alone. But, it can only get better. I can be your first new friend in SLC if you want! We live in Sandy. I think you are amazing!

Elisa said...

I am so sorry about the goodbye pains you are feeling. You need to greave, so you go ahead and cry.

And soon Cristin and I will come take you to lunch, and sometime I need to take you to All Tucked In (where they want to sell your stuff), and you can take Creed on the TRAX to the beautiful Salt lake library, and go to a free concert at Brigham Young park, dinner at Ruth's Diner...and before you know it you will have another "home".

Nikki said...

We feel for you, Steph. While we miss you all dearly, we are in a familiar setting! I can't imagine how hard it is . . . but I am completely confident that it will get better. We moved to Columbus right before Christmas and decorating our new house for the holiday made it feel more like "home" . . . perhaps a Christmas in July is in order?? Please send me your new phone number when you have a minute. Love to all three of you!

Britain said...

Steph,
It does get much, much better. It didn't take long for Vegas to feel like home again. Although, your post did make me really homesick for C-bus. It was a truly wonderful city and a wonderful time in our lives to live there. My one salvation is that many of my good friends have moved away from there too (well that and the crazy weather). We'll have to do an original Children's Book Club get together now that so many of us have moved out this way. Chin up.

This Charming Girl said...

STEPH!!!

Are you in Utah?!!
email me ok ok?
ayn.averett@gmail.com

love you!

Cassie L. said...

I must say that I cried reading that post!! The best part of it is seeing someone have such a capacity to love and appreciate people and places that may not have been all that appealling at first. I can't wait to see you and know that you will feel at home to a certain extent sooner than you think.

For some reason seeing your home made me think...one of the hardest things for me to leave behind was simply the house that I brought my babies home to. But alas, there will always be memories! Glad to hear you are all here safe and sound!!!

lisa (lost pezhead) said...

i'm sorry i didn't get to say goodbye in person...i didn't realize how fast you were leaving. i hope you feel a little more at home soon...i'm glad you have your family close by to be with and you're not completely alone in a new place. don't forget to email out your new address!!

Reba said...

Hi! I'm in Orem for my brother's wedding. Will you email me and I'll help you UN-pack your kitchen? He gets married next Wednesday, and then I'm still in town through the 10th of July.

Mom said...

We love you and miss you SO much. This has been a week fo too many goodbys. Part of me wants this raw ache in my heart to ease...as I know it will - and part of me is afraid to let it go. We'll see you soon. Love, Mom Cat

Dave and Kathryn Dodds said...

Stephanie! I just found your blog and I was so happy to get updated on your life! I don't know how I've lost contact with you, but I have...this is Kathryn (Robinson) by the way.
I am so happy to see your cute baby and know that you are almost done with residency (sigh of relief). My husband is in his first year of medical school at Saint Louis University. We just had twins last year!
Anyway, we need to keep in touch now! My email is curlykrackers@hotmail.com
I also love your children's lit blog, as I am obsessed with it after teaching school for 5 years!

You are amazing!Hope you don't mind such a long comment on your blog! Will you send me your email so I can invite you to mine?

Dave and Kathryn Dodds said...

Oh, on another note, I noticed that your friend, Kirk, is going to Ohio State to get his PhD in Russian, my brother Spencer is also there. He's been there for a year, but he's getting his masters, PhD mix there. They'll probably get to know each other!

WendyandGabe said...

Welcome to SLC cousin! I felt bummed out too when Gabe and I moved from New York back to Utah, but now I've grown absolutely in love with this city. I'll have to show you around some of the fun places. Sugarhouse is a nice area. I'm sorry that we weren't able to help you move. It sounds like you could have used a familiar face. I also checked out your Children's Lit. blog. So much fun! I didn't know you had a Masters in children's lit. Helping with the childrens programming is one of my favorite things to do at the library. You should start up your book club here. You could also join my book club. It is filled with really awesome and interesting women in their late twenties and thirties. Take care, things will get better soon. Give me a buzz 801-915-5961

Calvin Family said...

Your post made me emotional as it reminded me of our move to Utah from Arkansas. I have a terrible time with change, too. If you're down in Utah County this weekend, Saturday morning is the children's freedom parade in Provo. Might be a fun distraction!

Dehner Family said...

We miss you Steph (and Larry & Creed too). I'm sad we didn't do one last get together before you left. We'll just need to come visit you next time we are in Utah! I hope you feel better soon. We love ya.

The Jensen Family said...

I will be there next week to give you a hug and unpack the rest of your house! Chin up!

You and Grandpa could always be best friends (hee hee)

Brooke said...

Hi Steph-
Heather will be in town next week (from Vagas) so you and Creed should meet up with us- seriously! I'm sure we will be heading to a few parks :) and who knows what else. Call me 608-2225.
Also, tomorrow at 2:30 I am having an informal birthday party for Alec at Jungle Jims (I am just taking him and 2 friends). If you are free come and meet up with us. It is filled with rides that are toddler size. Call me if you need directions :) Would love to see you and Creed.

TX Girl said...

I'm so sorry you are sad. I'm with you, change sucks! Hang in there.

lilliandcrew said...

i've been checking your blog to see how the move went, i'm sorry that it has been so hard. you are such a cool girl, i'm sure that in no time you will find some really great people to take your mind off of "c-bus" :) good luck with everything!!

Brooke said...

Steph,
I'm taking Alec to walk around and see the animals at Wheeler Farm tomorrow (Wed.) at 4:00. Would love to have you come.:)

Chelsea said...

Welcome home Stephanie!! Yes, I said home...remember, where you met me? :) Let me know when you are available to do lunch sometime. I would love that. Also, do you have a MSN or Yahoo signin...I would love to chat. Talk to you soon.

Chels