Thursday, December 08, 2011

We pause this program for a message

We're in the midst of embracing this holiday season around here, and I have so many fun things to share with you, but today all that is on my mind is this little guy.  Let's talk about how happy and friendly he all the time.
 And how adventurous he is.  He can NEVER be out of sight.  This week I told Larry that I needed to make a phone call and left him playing with the boys.  He had to answer a page and the next thing I know, I hear the sound of Larry's electric clippers in the bathroom and catch Ollie's hand just as he begins to shave his own head.
 What  fickle eater he is.  He doesn't have favorites and you never know if he will hate something he loved the day before. He would much rather survive on milk.
 How he still takes his little blanket everywhere he goes and cannot sleep without it.  When you pick him up, he will often pat your shoulder and explain, "Blanket!" reminding you to put in on your shoulder so he can lay on it and nestle his little forehead up against your neck.
 How he is always watching Creed, just like the the photo below, where he's watching Creed while snacking on a half eaten apple he picked up off the ground (Creed's friend Lydia had just dropped it, and I failed to snatch it from Ollie before the damage was already done. Yuck)
 The way he giggles with glee when you put him in a swing and begs to swing the rest of the day away.
 The way he grabs my phone at every chance and has filled it with funny self-portraits. It's pretty amazing how well he can use it.
 The way he adores Mickey Mouse and Elmo, and points to the computer, begging to watch Youtube clips of them, and he's so happy, how can you not loves those annoying squeaky voices?
 The way his seizures exhaust all of us, but most especially him.
The way he didn't wake up today.

Which sent us on yet another excruciating ER journey with him.  It has happened once before, but it was no less terrifying today, in fact, it was worse because it lasted longer.  To see him laying with his eyes open, not responding to anything, not moving, not speaking strikes a terror in me that I cannot begin to explain.  I spent hours wondering what I could have done wrong and feeling like I failed him some way.

The test results came back slowly one by one, each normal result leaving us a little more baffled and feeling a little more helpless until, finally, we got an answer, or at least a symptom; extremely low blood sugar.  Easy to temporarily fix, but very scary as we are now left to consider the possible causes.  The nightmares are cycling in my mind: hormone and pituitary gland problems, maybe.  A tumor secreting extra insulin, possibly.  Something in his brain . . . I try to remind myself, that it could all be nothing, right?

The ER doctor has probably been practicing longer than I have been alive and he has never seen a patient with provoked seizures like Ollie.  He said it makes him a zebra among horses.  This new problem seems to be unrelated so he said it makes him something like a rare subspecies of zebra.  The whole conversation I kept losing focus and thinking about how zebras are Ollie's favorite animal and how we just got him a new Christmas book about Ollie the Zebra.

So now we will head in for more testing and we will play the waiting game, and I stop trying to imagine the what ifs, and focus on how grateful I am to have Ollie the zebra in my life, walking and talking again. And I feel grateful to look around me to see Christmas everywhere, a reminder of another baby who lived at another time and provides much needed hope and peace.

17 comments:

ash e said...

I read your blog all the time from over here on the other side of the world - can't even remember whose link to a link I found you through. Please know I'm praying hard for your family, especially gorgeous Ollie. There are no words of comfort when a little one is suffering but you'll be in my thoughts & I'll be giving my little guys some extra hugs. xx

Beazer said...

Steph -- I'm glad he is home and surrounded by the Christmasness that I'm sure is filling your home. I wish there were answers instead of questions. I hope Christmas proves magical for you guys this year!

Laura @Art For Little Hands said...

I am so sorry. That sounds so scary. I hope you find some answers soon.

He is such a cutie.

amyh said...

Steph, that is so scary. I hope you find some answers soon. We're thinking of you guys.

that's what she said...

so so sorry!!! wishing you answers to what might help him and peace until you find them!

Krista Hansen said...

I hope the doctors are able to help you soon. What a scary and difficult time for your family. Sending love and prayers your way.

Melinda said...

Literally, I am crying for you right now. I hope you know how much we love him, you and your entire family. You are in our prayers. I hope that I am on your speed-dial so I can help in any way.

Heather said...

Oh Steph, I cannot imagine. We will continue to pray for your little man and your whole family. And his doctors so they can figure out how to help Ollie.

Heather said...

Literally lost my breath on that one. I also am praying hard and sending healing thoughts out into the universe for Ollie's health and for continuing answers to make him well. Also sending thoughts of comfort to you, Larry and Creed - you are doing everything you can. He is so well loved and cared for.

TX Girl said...

Zebras are so cute, but not when it comes to medicine. Dumb zebras. I cannot imagine how terrifying it must be to go through this over and over. I send you lots of love and hope for some concrete answers.

Mom said...

You are a very strong woman - and Ollie seems to be in the right place with you & Larry to care for him. When it seems that God has given us something too big for us to bear - that's just proof that God ha a higher opinion of us than we do. PS - he sure is a cutie!

Sara said...

Oh bless his heart! I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you all. You have my prayers that they can figure this out soon. You have the cutest boys, they are so lucky to have you. Don't blame yourself! I hope you all have a very blessed Christmas!

Taunya said...

Stephanie, I cannot even begin to possibly imagine how taxing this is for everyone - especially sweet Ollie-bug. My prayers are with you and your sweet family.

J.R. and Meg +3 said...

Steph--sending all of our love and prayers from Texas too!!

Valerie said...

I'll be praying for Ollie, and for all of you, and for the doctors treating him that they find the answers.

Marissa Joy said...

That was such a touching post steph. I feel like a big boob (as mom would say) crying at the kitchen counter. We are thingking of ollie and pray for him always. We love you.

a said...

Such a sweet little boy. I will pray for him & the rest of your family, for comfort & strength.